When my husband and I opened our relationship, we by no means thought we might have a dwelling accomplice.
That modified after we met Tay. We moved in collectively, with our two youngsters, and we have by no means regarded again.
This is a take a look at how we might be mother and father whereas in a polygamous relationship.
Think about a polygamous particular person now. You in all probability consider a man who lives together with his cats and crops, or perhaps an Instagram group the place each member is tremendous match and historically enticing. However what concerning the exhausted mother who wears yoga pants and goes to mattress earlier than midnight? Properly, that is me – and I am polygamous.
I’ve two kids: D, 11, and H, 9. I even have two companions who reside at dwelling. There’s Daniel, my authorized spouse and organic father to D and H, and Ty, my unofficial spouse and co-parent. However we’re not courageous. Daniel and Ty aren’t courting one another, and I am switching beds between the 2.
The start of my household’s journey with polygamy
Daniel and I opened our marriage in 2016. Our two kids had been 6 and three years outdated on the time. We selected to affix an area polygamous group that was household pleasant, and we introduced our kids to a number of occasions to coach them about this and meet different polygamous households, which helped normalize it for my kids at an early age.
We did not suppose we might truly reside with one other accomplice. I used to be nervous that it will be irresponsible for my youngsters to narrate to different companions who won’t find yourself sticking round. To start with, we largely dated individuals who had been in conditions much like ours, who truly had interfering companions – a accomplice they lived with – and their non-public lives to fret about.
However that modified with Ty, who was celibate after we met. We began courting in 2018, and in 2020 – proper earlier than the pandemic – the 5 of us moved into a brand new home collectively. We have all spent numerous time collectively earlier than transferring on, however since we have all been at dwelling collectively through the pandemic, we bonded in a very particular means and spent numerous time collectively. Quickly, my youngsters began considering of Tay as a dad, too.
A take a look at how we make it work
Parenting Whereas polygamy could seem sophisticated, having a number of adults at dwelling whereas elevating kids is definitely a dream come true. Somebody is all the time round to look at the youngsters, and there are many folks to do the chores, particularly since my youngsters are older. We every have our “specialties” – I really like making meal plans and cooking, and Ty runs the laundry. Daniel washes the dishes, D takes out the trash, and H feeds the pets. Oh, and one other profit for a lot of adults underneath one roof? Three incomes.
Nonetheless, we’re not a closed group. T and I’ve lengthy distance separate companions, and Daniel has a girlfriend right here in Richmond who would not reside with us. Since we’re courting individually, there’s all the time somebody in the home with the youngsters to maintain a way of stability. And whereas there have been extra timelines to juggle, we had been capable of deal with it over time. I’m a loyal devotee of Google Calendar, into which we enter all our plans.
Once I date casually—which is a rarity—I am all the time upfront about household being my precedence and my time being restricted; Solely severe companions meet our kids. It is not all the time excellent. I had a very unhealthy breakup the place a good friend of mine, who was additionally a mom, minimize off any contact between our households and ignored makes an attempt at communication.
Our children had been shut, and it was tough. So now I am very cautious about who I let my youngsters get near. We deal with our household polygamously, however I nonetheless get nervous about opening up this side of our lives to different mother and father. Luckily, now we have kindness, settle for parental buddies, and refuse to be closed off irrespective of how folks react.
Though Tay just isn’t a organic guardian to my kids, he’ll legally obtain guardianship and all of my belongings ought to one thing occur to me and Daniel, which is extremely unlikely. He additionally swore to be there for my kids even when we broke up, however that appears unlikely thus far; We’re actually glad, and what we do is working for us. I really like being a polygamous dad and by no means wish to return – and my youngsters love polygamy too.
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